I didn’t plan on writing two blog posts in one day, but here we are. Because of my second diagnosis with breast cancer, I have to adjust my life and schedule to accommodate surgery, reconstruction, and other treatments. I had planned to attend the annual American Association for Cancer Research Annual Meeting in April so I could present my research on molecular regulation of breast cancer bone metastasis, network with colleagues, patients, survivors, and policy makers, and learn about the latest advances in the field.
Cancer has robbed me of that opportunity.
Since I’d already registered, I contacted AACR to let them know what was going on and to cancel my registration. Here’s what I wrote:
Short, sweet, to the point. I didn’t expect a reply until next week, but, to my surprise (and based on the tone of the reply, horror), I received a reply within a few hours:
So, after writing the American Association for CANCER Research to let them know that I cannot attend the meeting because I have CANCER, that’s the stone cold, insensitive, shitty reply I received. I could’ve let it slide, but, as I note in my response, I’m soooooooo done with bullshit at this point.
Here’s my reply (copied and pasted since it’s too long for a screenshot):
Wow. Just wow.
Two years ago, I would have just let this slide, been “nice” and “quiet” without causing trouble, like all women are taught to do. But two years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And, as of last week, my breast cancer is back. As such, I have neither the time nor the energy for bovine fecal material. That the current bovine fecal material is coming from the American Association for Cancer Research, an organization I’ve supported since my days as a graduate student (member 1998-present), just after a second diagnosis with breast cancer, makes it all the more horrible.
As I noted in my request, I have cancer. I will likely be undergoing surgery for the third time during the annual conference, which means cancer has cheated me of the opportunity to present my own research findings on breast cancer metastasis to my peers. Cancer will also steal time from my research, my family, my friends, and my life.
So, in response to, “Please let us know if you still wish to cancel your registration,” um, yeah. Did you think I’d suddenly change my mind, or that my cancer would suddenly be all better so I can totally go to the meeting – my bad? What kind of stupid, insensitive question is that? Seriously, I have people who despise me who wouldn’t be that stone cold. Do you need proof of my diagnosis? I have CDs full of scans from my six biopsies and two lumpectomies. Do I need a doctor’s note? You can check out my blog where I’ve been documenting my story in an effort to let patients going through the same struggles that (a) they’re not alone, (b) knowledge is power so here are accessible data you can use to make informed healthcare decisions, and (c) to be a liaison between research and patients/survivors so the public understands how important our work is and so they’ll engage to help us better meet their needs. www.talkingtatas.com.
You’d best believe I’ll be blogging about the AACR responding to the news that I have cancer and cannot attend the annual meeting with it’ll cost you $125. No “I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.” No, “What can the AACR do to support you during this difficult time.” Just, “We can understand your concern.”
You can understand my concern, you say. With all due respect, no, unless you’ve had cancer, you absolutely, positively cannot understand even a fraction of my concerns. Unless you’ve been hit by the sledgehammer of shock upon hearing those three horrible words, you have cancer, unless you’ve had to tell your spouse, your children, and your mother that you’ve been diagnosed with a deadly disease, unless you’ve endured the pain of surgery and recovery, the burns and fatigue induced by radiation, the indignity of estrogen suppression therapies that forever change you and your relationship to your body, unless you’ve endured sleepless nights wondering if you’ll live for another 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, and if/when cancer might come back and kill you, you have NO IDEA about my concerns. That’s completely insensitive, condescending, and wrong on so many levels.
But please, by all means, take the $125. You certainly need it more than I do. I don’t need to think about insurance deductibles, medication, bills to support myself and my family.
And one last thing – you don’t get to call me “Dana” in a response like the one you offered. It’s Dr. Brantley-Sieders to you.
A little consideration, human decency, and kindness can go a long way. Coldness, disregard, and insensitivity can, too. Badly done, AACR. Badly done.