Screw the Woo Woo: For The Love of The Flying Spaghetti Monster Do NOT Sun Your Bunghole!

Beavis and Butt-head are the intellectual property of
Mike Judge.

In this installment of Screw The Woo Woo, I’m tackling a “wellness” trend that’s been making the rounds on social media, including my Facebook feed, and that is disturbing on sooooooooo many levels: butthole sunning. At first, I thought it was a joke. I really, REALLY hoped it was a joke. Then again, jade eggs for the vagina, vagina steaming, and coffee enemas were (and apparently still are) a thing, so what’s one more bizarre bit of ridiculousness in the wooniverse? This isn’t directly related to breast cancer, BUT(T), since ultraviolet light from the sun can cause skin cancer, I’ve decided to tackle the subject and debunk its alleged benefits to, er, bring to light the very real dangers of exposing your junk to the sun.

That and one of the proponents of this weird ass practice is making shady claims about how butthole sunning balances hormones in the sex organs. It doesn’t. More on that later.

First off, the notion that sunlight can enter your body through your vagina or anus is ludicrous, as is the notion that butthole sunning prevents the leakage of “chi” from the body, mostly because “chi” isn’t a thing, and if you’re experiencing any kind of leakage from your anus or genitals, you DEFINITELY need to seek your doctor. The vagina doesn’t just magically open to the heavens like a flower when you open your legs to the sun. Don’t believe me? Read The Vagina Bible by Dr. Jen Gunter, M.D. and gynecologist who covers everything you need to know about care and maintenance of your girly parts.

In addition to blocking chi leakage, woo woo practitioner MetaphysicalMegan (~a clearly qualified source of accurate, reliable information~) claims that sunning your perineum (a.k.a. the taint, the gooch, the fleshy fun bridge) provides a myriad of health benefits (link to a story that shares her tweet – I refuse to link directly to woo woo bullshit sites) – such as regulating “hormone function in the sex organs.”

That claim is a GIANT steaming pile of bullshit.

Hormone function in sex organs is regulated by intracellular hormone receptors expressed in the cells of internal sex organs that are well-protected from the outside world, including sunlight. For example, estrogen receptors in females are expressed in mammary glandular epithelium deep within breast tissue (where they can contribute to the growth of breast cancer cells in ER+ disease), the endometrial tissue that lines the uterus (internal organ protected from sunlight), ovary, bone (which is why bone loss is a concern for menopausal women and breast cancer patients on estrogen suppression therapy – estrogen contributes to cellular signaling pathways that promote bone growth), and other organs and tissues that are protected from the elements. As sunlight cannot reach estrogen receptor expressing cells, it cannot influence the function of estrogen signaling within them.

But what’s the harm, you might ask? Lots of people believe in and incorporate New Age and Wellness practices into their daily lives. Well, in this case, exposing delicate skin to ultraviolet sun rays without the benefit of sunscreen can actually be harmful. Ultraviolet light breaks bonds in the nucleotide bases (thymine and cyotsine) of DNA in skin cells that absorb it. This can facilitate abnormal bonding between adjacent thymine (thymine dimers) and cytosine (cytosine dimers) that form kinks in DNA. If not repaired, this can lead to DNA mutations that contribute to the development of skin cancers. Now, MetaphysicalMegan recommends 30 seconds, but given that every second you are in the sun, 50 to 100 of these dimers are formed in each skin cell. That’s a hell of a place to risk getting skin cancer, not to mention that the proverbial “places where the sun don’t shine” are horrible places to get a freakin’ sunburn!

Bottom (giggle snort) line: exposing your asshole/taint/vagina/penis/nutsack to the sun isn’t going to help your health. It’ll probably give you a sunburn, it can increase your risk of skin cancer, and it will most certainly make you look like a fucking idiot. Don’t do it.

Publicly available references from The US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health: Estrogen receptor expression and function in female reproductive disease; Estrogen receptors and human disease: an update

*Apparently Josh Brolin tried butthole/perineum sunning and, not surprisingly, regretted it. Yup, not even Thanos can handle that flavor of sick burn. The evil part of me REALLY hopes that Ryan Reynolds works in some butthole sunning jokes at Cable’s expense in the next Deadpool film!

Maybe they’ll even do a little superhero bro bonding with joint butthole sunning. They could even bring along Colosus and Dopinder.

I mean, who DOESN’T want to see dat ass? You’re picturing it. I know you are!

Screw The Woo Woo: Turmeric and Cancer

Part of my mission in promoting science is fighting pseudoscience, scams, myths, and misinformation. This is the first in a series of Screw the Woo Woo posts. Woo woo, “supernatural, paranormal, occult, or pseudoscientific phenomena, or emotion-based beliefs and explanations,” is the antithesis of science. Unfortunately, woo woo is flashier and easier to market. From purveyors of alternative medicine, wellness and nutrition “gurus,” the diet and supplement industry, and new age whackadoodles, the woo woo movement offers the lure of “ancient wisdom,” “natural” alternatives to the evils of chemical medicines and toxins (spoiler alert – everything is made of fucking chemicals, and if you want to get rid of toxins, all you need are functioning liver and kidneys), and easy peasy lose-the-weight-and-keep-it-off-without-diet-and-exercise scams.

The “war” between medicine and so-called “natural” remedies is really fucking stupid.

Legit sciences needs better PR and marketing.

My mission is to help with that, as well as helping the public fine-tune their bullshit-o-meters in the Internet age.

Soto ayam – see link below for recipe

Now, I can’t tackle all of these issues, but I can and will do my part to dispel some common myths I’ve encountered as they relate to cancer and breast cancer, starting with turmeric. I love curry, soto ayam, and other delicious South Asian recipes featuring this delicious spice. Turmeric gets a lot of attention for being a health food with medicinal properties. Don’t believe me? Google it. You’ll find a slew of sites selling turmeric as a supplement, articles from such ~reputable~ (see ~? That’s the sarcasm symbol) sources like healthline.com (I refuse to link to woo sites) touting the “10 Proven Health Benefits of Turmeric and Curcumin.” One of the benefits reported by the supplement/diet/nutrition/new-age/woo woo movement is that turmeric prevents and/or cures cancer.

So, let me break it down, because it’s, well, complicated. The short answer to the question, “Will eating boatloads of turmeric keep me from getting cancer or treat my cancer?” is no. The compound Curcumin, scientifically known as (1E,6E)‑1,7‑bis(4‑hydroxy‑3‑-methoxyphenyl) hepta‑1,6‑diene‑3,5‑dione, is natural polyphenol that is derived from the turmeric plant. This compound is, in fact, being actively investigated for anticancer activity. Here’s where it gets tricky, though, as noted by Alexander Pope – A little learning is a dangerous thing ; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring. In other words, you’ve got to dig a little deeper when it comes to reports of so-called “health foods” and “superfoods.” Yes, there is some evidence that, in a laboratory setting, Curcumin can interfere with the ability of cancer cells grown in a dish to divide and survive (growth), move (an essential part of invasion and metastatic spread), and attract blood vessels that feed the tumor (angiogenesis). It also shows some activity in animal models of cancer (human tumors grown in mice) and has reportedly shown some benefit in clinical trials*. So that means we should all be eating turmeric all the time, right?

Not so fast. Yes, Curcumin may help fight cancer – though more research is needed – but there are problems with the leap between eating turmeric and getting the benefits of Curcumin. For starters, Curcumin only constitutes 2-3% of the turmeric root, so in order to get enough Curcumin from eating this spice (which, like most spices, is used pretty sparingly to flavor food), you’d have to eat truckloads. Then there’s the problem of pharmacokinetics (PK) – a fancy way of saying how stable a compound is in the human body and how well it reaches its target. “The bioavailability of Curcumin is low because of poor absorption, rapid elimination and/or low target organ concentration. This is due to the reason that Curcumin is conjugated when it is absorbed through the intestine, consequently free Curcumin is present in extremely low level at the target organ.”* Before this can be applied clinically, the PK needs to be greatly improved. It’s also the reason that taking Curcumin supplements probably won’t do you much good.

But what’s the harm? Aside from separating fact (turmeric is delicious) and fiction (eating turmeric will prevent and/or treat cancer), like all chemicals, natural or synthetic, it interacts with other chemicals in the human body. According to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Curcumin may interfere with the activity of some anti-cancer medicines, including chemotherapy and anti-estrogen therapies. Talk to your doc and make sure you tell your health care team about any supplements you’re taking or thinking about taking so they can help you weigh the risks, benefits, and dispel any misinformation or misconceptions about them.

Bottom line – no, turmeric isn’t going to protect you from cancer or cure any cancer you may already have. Your best protection is a healthy diet, exercise, avoiding tobacco, too much sun, and keeping up with your health screenings. Enjoy turmeric for the flavor, and rely on medicine for healthcare!

*Front Chem. 2014; 2: 113. – the link is to the publicly available version of this 2014 review article on Curcumin and cancer.

Soto ayam is an abso-freaking-lutely DELICIOUS soup that is super fun to make! I learned from an Indonesian-American, but this recipe is a decent approximation. For the paste used the flavor the broth, she recommended a mixture of shallots, garlic, ginger (fresh), turmeric (powder), macadamia nuts crushed with mortar and pestle. Once prepared, hot broth is poured over a bed of jasmine rice, thin rice vermicelli noodles, bean sprouts, parsley or Thai basil, sliced green onions, chicken breast, and a boiled egg, halved.